Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
