i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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