Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
