dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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