Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
