i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
