omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so let's talk penis.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
