they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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