My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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