I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
