her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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