My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
