11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize