She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
