You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
