so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
