The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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