Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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