Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
