omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
