I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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