I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
