Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
