My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
