so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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