when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
