Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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