Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
