Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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