i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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