On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
