Sponge bath it is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
