James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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