you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
