Sponge bath it is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
