i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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