When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
