There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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