her vagine was all disorganized.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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