margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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