Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
