And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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