6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
