Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
