if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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