im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
