She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
