I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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