You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
