If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
