I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
