is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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