I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
