All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
As shirtless as possible
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
